Always a Part of Me
by snapple79
Summary: AU set after 4x13 and based off of promos for the episode. After a devastating incident, Andy makes an important decision that not only affects Sam, but her as well.


This is AU because I know this won't happen on the show, but the idea popped into my head and I couldn't help but run with it. However, it's based on what we've seen in promos for some of what happens in 4x13.

I hope you enjoy this one-shot, but you may need a tissue or too to get through this. Please let me know what you think with a review. They really make my day. :)

Disclaimer: I don't own Rookie Blue.

* * *

**Always a Part of Me**

Andy sat in a chair next to Sam's bed, holding one of his hands in both of hers as she stared at him. She didn't even know how many hours had passed since that moment in the station when Kevin Ford pulled the trigger and she watched Sam fall to the ground. The most terrifying moment in her life.

She hadn't left his side, except when the doctors pushed her out of the way in the ER and when he was taken to surgery. "You have to come back to me, Sam," she whispered. "I need you. You're part of me, no matter how much I wanted to deny it."

Still sedated from the surgery, Andy stared at Sam and thought back to the last time he'd been awake.

_Her hands were pressing against his abdomen, where the bullet tore through this skin, as she tried to stop the bleeding until the paramedics arrived. There was lots of movement around them, voices calling out to one another, but Andy blocked all of it out. All she saw and heard was the man lying in front of her._

"_Andy…"_

"_Shhh, Sam, don't talk, okay. You're gonna be fine. We just gotta...gotta stop the bleeding, okay," she said, wishing the pool of blood on the tiled floor would stop getting bigger._

"_Andy, I…" He was already finding it hard to piece his thoughts together. "I need to tell you something."_

"_You'll have plenty of time to tell me later," she said, not sure if she was trying to convince herself or him._

_Sam knew he was losing conscious and he had to get the words out before that happened. "I need you. I've always needed you. I tried to deny…" He coughed, feeling every ounce of pain from the movement. "I'm sorry."_

_Andy watched as his eyes closed as the words left his mouth. His head fell to the side and she knew he'd lost consciousness. "Where are the medics?!" she screamed, not taking her eyes off of the man she still loved, no matter how much she wanted to deny the feelings._

"Ms. McNally?" Andy tore her eyes away from Sam to look at the doctor who stood in the doorway. "I'd like to speak with you for a moment...out here." He gestured to the hallway and with a quick glance back at Sam first, Andy stood up and followed.

"I want to update you on Mr. Swarek's condition," Dr. White started. "As you know, we were successful in stopping the bleeding caused by the gunshot wound."

"They said there were complications with the surgery, but no one will tell me what," Andy said, trying to get more information about Sam's condition.

"We wanted to get a full picture before explaining the situation. The bullet went through his kidney and while we were able to repair it enough not to remove it, it is only a temporary fix," he explained. "Normally, removal of a kidney would not be a dire situation as most people have two and can easily live a healthy life on one."

_Normally? Most people?_ Andy was trying to process what the doctor was trying to tell her. Something was wrong. Something was seriously wrong. "Doctor, please just tell me what's going on."

"Mr. Swarek only has one kidney. We don't know the details, but there's evidence the other was removed in a previous surgery quite a few years ago." The doctor shifted uncomfortably, knowing this was one of the hardest parts of his job. "It's only a matter of time before the damaged kidney fails."

Andy backed up, needing the wall for support. She saw the doctor's lips still moving, heard the occasional word - something about needing a transplant and finding a compatible kidney. It only took a moment for her brain to process that piece of information before her eyes locked onto the doctor's.

"Test me," she blurted out. "Test me to see if I'm a match."

"Are you sure about that Ms. McNally? That's a very big decision to make under the stress you're going through," he questioned.

"Get the okay from one of his other health care proxies, Oliver, Sarah. I don't care. But test me. If I can help him, I want to," she told him, pushing off the wall to stand up straight in front of him.

He nodded slowly. "Okay, follow me and I'll have a nurse take you to get tested."

* * *

A little more than an hour later, Andy was poking her head into Oliver's room at the hospital. She saw Celery cuddled up against his side, his fingers laced with hers. Andy knocked gently on the metal door frame to announce herself before walking in. "Hey there," she said, forcing a smile as she stood at the foot of Oliver's bed.

"McNally. How's Sammy?"

She swallowed and forced herself not to cry. "He's out of surgery, but hasn't woken up yet. How are you?"

"Just a few bumps and bruises. I'll be out of here in no time," he told her. "But you're a horrible liar. What's wrong with Sammy?"

Andy bit her bottom lip, not sure how to start. Seeing the emotion, Celery sat up, wanting to give the two friends some space. "I'm just gonna…I'll give you two a moment."

"No, no. You don't have to leave," Andy said. Celery gave her a warm smile, but still slid off the bed and sat in a chair off to the side.

"McNally, spill. What's going on?" Oliver asked, as he shifted into a more comfortable position on the bed.

"The bullet hit his kidney." The look in Oliver's eyes told Andy he already knew why this was so bad. "I had them test me. But I need to know…" She paced back and forth at the end of the bed before stopping to look back at him.

"Am I being selfish to make all these decisions for him? We haven't been…you know, in a long time. And he's still sedated from surgery and if I'm a match they'd like to keep him sedated until the transplant surgery. But maybe...maybe he'd want to do something different, go on the transplant list, have - "

"Andy," Oliver interrupted. "This is about the least selfish thing you could do. He listed you as one of his proxies for a reason. He left you on that list for a reason. He trusts your judgment. Do you really want to do this?"

"I'd do anything for him Oliver."

"Then tell his doctor to come find me if he needs anyone to sign off on this. If this is what you want to do, I'll support you," he said.

Andy blinked rapidly to hold back the tears as she walked over to Oliver and wrapped her arms around him gently. "Thank you," she whispered. She hadn't realized how much she needed his encouragement until she'd walked into this room.

"It's not gonna be easy for you," Oliver said as she pulled away.

"Losing him would be harder."

She headed to the door, but Oliver stopped her. "McNally...wait. You…" He shook his head knowing Sam would probably kill him later for this, but she had to know. If she was going to do this, she had to know. "He misses you. He wants a future with you. Thinks about you and him and kids and...I know he hasn't told you that, but he does."

Her mouth open and closed before she could form a thought. "Wh-what?"

"I kinda tricked him into talking," Oliver said with a chuckle. "But he meant it. I know he did."

Andy worried her bottom lip between her teeth, still in shock that Sam talked to Oliver about a future with her. It made her decision even more clear. "I gotta go, Oliver. I need to…I need to find the doctor." With that she nearly ran down the hall to the elevator, repeatedly pushing the button as she waited impatiently for it to arrive.

Back in Oliver's room, Celery climbed back onto the bed to cuddle with her injured boyfriend. "They love each other, don't they?"

Oliver nodded as she settled into his side. "More than you know."

When Andy finally got back to Sam's floor, she went directly to the nurse's station and saw the woman who had taken her to get tested earlier. "When will we know the results?" Andy asked her.

"Dr. White put a rush on this, but it's hard to say. Just sit tight and we'll let you know as soon as we know," the nurse said.

"Okay." Andy started to back away, but stopped. "Tell the doctor, if I'm a match, there's no question, I want to do this. I'm going to do this."

It was hours later when the doctor found Andy sitting next to Sam's bed again. She'd been resting her head on the edge of the bed, but jolted up when Dr. White walked in. "I have some good news," he told her. "It looks like you're a perfect match."

"So that means…I can give him a kidney?" she asked.

"If you're sure - "

"Yes," she blurted out, interrupting him. "Tell me what to do, what I need to sign, where I need to go. Please, just make this happen. Save him."

"Okay. Why don't you follow me and we'll get you started."

She stood up, leaning down to kiss Sam's forehead. "You're gonna be okay," she whispered as her lips hovered over his skin. "You have to be, for me."

* * *

Andy woke up feeling groggy and opened her eyes to see her father sitting by her bedside. "Hey kiddo," he said, putting down the magazine he'd been reading.

She licked her lips, which felt bone dry just like her throat. "Hey dad." He handed her a cup of water, which she eagerly drank. "How'd it go?"

"Doctors say it went great. No complications for either of you," he replied. "You both just need a lot of rest now."

She turned her head and saw Sam lying in the bed across the room. He didn't look much different than he had the last time she'd seen him. He was still pale and she missed seeing his beautiful brown eyes staring back at her.

"He's gonna be okay?" she asked, turning back to her father.

"The doctor said they'd need to keep him in the hospital for a while to make sure his body doesn't reject the kidney, but he said everything looked good," he replied. "Remember that _you_ just had major surgery too. You need to let your body heal."

"I know, dad. I know. I just need him to be okay, you know?"

"I know sweetheart."

They talked for a few more minutes before Andy fell back asleep mid-sentence, her body still not ready for her to be fully awake yet.

* * *

The moment Sam woke up, he felt her in the room. He opened his eyes, searching the room until he found her lying in the hospital bed across the room. He almost bolted upright in surprise, but the pain stopped him. His groan at the slightest movement had Tommy getting out of his seat and walking over to Sam's bed.

"Easy there, Sam," Tommy said.

"Why…" Sam coughed, his throat dry from nonuse. Tommy poured a cup of water and passed it to him. Sam accepted it, grateful for the cold liquid. "Thanks. Why is she here? How was she hurt?"

Tommy patted the younger man's shoulder trying not to grin too much over Sam's concern for his daughter. "She's fine. She wasn't hurt. But why she's here...well, that's her story to tell."

Sam felt his body relax hearing that she wasn't injured. He thought maybe he dreamed or hallucinated her being with him after he'd been shot and that Ford had hit her as well. He wanted to know why she was here lying in a hospital bed, but the look on Tommy's face told him he wouldn't be getting any answers until Andy woke up.

"I'm gonna go grab a coffee. You need anything while I'm gone?" Tommy asked.

"No, no," he said looking around the room and his eyes landing on Andy again. "Got everything I need right here."

He didn't even hear Tommy walk out as he examined Andy with his eyes trying to figure out why she might be lying there next to him. He couldn't see any visible injuries and fought the urge to get up and explore every inch of her body to see what was wrong. Instead, he watched her chest rise and fall as she breathed, and it lulled him back to sleep.

* * *

Sam was still asleep the next time Andy woke up. "Hey dad," she said to get her father's attention from whatever he was staring at out the window.

He smiled as he turned around and walked over to her bed. "Hoped you'd wake up soon. I have to head out in a bit to a meeting." He leaned down to kiss her forehead.

"Go. You don't need to sit here with me. I'm fine. Your meeting is important," she told him.

"I know sweetheart. I have a few minutes," he propped himself on the edge of her bed. "Sam woke up earlier. Seems to be doing okay. Was worried about you though."

"Did you tell him what happened?" she asked.

"Not my place," he said, shaking his head. "Told him you'd explain when you both were awake."

"Thanks." She looked over at Sam and all she wanted to do was be 20 feet across the room so she could hold his hand. She wanted to comfort him as much as she wanted to comfort herself, knowing they were both going to be okay. "Dad, I need your help," she said, sitting up.

"Whoa. What do you think you're doing? You need to stay in bed," he said, a hand pressing against her shoulder.

"No, no. I need to be with him. Look, just help me get to that chair," she said, pointing to the one next to Sam's bed. "I promise to stay put and relax, but I need...please, dad."

She had a look in her eye that he knew well. One that said she wasn't giving up, that she'd crawl over to the chair once he left if she had to. He shook his head as he walked around to the other side of the bed to help her. "I never saw this if the doctor finds out," he said teasingly.

"Thanks dad." She winced at the pain as she made her way to the chair with the help of Tommy. He brought a pillow and blanket over to her, and kissed the top of her head.

"Just take it easy, okay? Get a nurse to help you back to bed," he told her.

She took Sam's hand in hers before looking up at her dad. "I will, promise. This...this is just where I need to be right now."

Andy watched her father leave the room as she rubbed her thumb across Sam's knuckles. Half an hour later she was watching the monitor that recorded his heartbeats when his hand twitched in hers. She looked up at him and gave him a small smile as he opened his eyes.

"Hey," he said, his voice raspy with sleep.

"Hey. How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Like I've been hit by a truck." He forced a smile, but she knew he was in real pain after everything he'd been through. "You okay?"

She nodded, but Sam could see right through the words. "What happened?"

She recalled what happened at the station and how he'd been shot, even though he remembered most of that, and what happened once they'd reached the hospital. "I was so scared when they told me there were complications," she said. "Then they told me the bullet hit your kidney...your only kidney. They said it was only a matter of time before it would fail."

Sam saw the look in her eyes as the last words came out of her mouth and he knew why she was here, why she was lying in a hospital bed next to him. "Andy...what did you do?"

"I couldn't let you die waiting for someone to donate a kidney when I was a match. I needed…We needed to have a chance at a future," she said.

"What about…"

She shook her head, knowing he was asking about Nick. "It's over. And Marlo?"

"It's been over for a while."

"When I thought I lost you, I...something snapped inside me. I...I couldn't tell myself I stopped loving you anymore," she admitted.

Sam gave her hand a light squeeze. "I wanted to tell you...There was so much I wanted to tell you and there never seemed to be a good time. When I realized how stupid I'd been, everything with Marlo and Ford started. I didn't know how to say something."

"You told Oliver," she said so softly he almost didn't hear her. When he quirked his eyebrows in question, her lips curved into a smile. "He might've said something earlier about the future and kids."

He closed his eyes and pushed his head further into the pillow. Of course Oliver would tell her his confession from weeks ago. "Hey," she said, tugging on his hand until he looked at her again. "He was reinforcing that my decision was the right thing."

"I can't believe you did this. For me." He reached his other hand out to cup her cheek, wincing a little as his muscles protested the movement. "You put yourself through all this pain."

"I'd do anything for you," she said, leaning into his touch.

He wanted to reach out and kiss her, but his body wouldn't allow it. No one had ever done something so selfless for him and it made him love her even more.

Andy quickly noticed Sam was having trouble keeping his eyes open, and she was getting a bit tired herself. "You should sleep."

He wanted to keep talking to Andy, but exhaustion was really getting the best of him. "Mmhmm. Yeah." He closed his eyes and almost instantly was asleep.

Fingers still laced together, Andy leaned her head back into her pillow and closed her eyes.

That's how a nurse found them an hour later when she came in to bring them dinner. "Mr. Swarek. Ms. McNally," she said, just loud enough to wake them up. Andy blushed as she released Sam's hand from hers and they both woke up.

"Ms. McNally, I think you're supposed to be in that bed," she said, pointing to the empty one.

"Sorry. But I was resting, promise." Andy put on her megawatt smile as she sat up.

"Let me help you back to bed," the nurse said, walking over to assist Andy.

Once both patients were sitting up comfortably, the nurse brought in the trays with their dinner.

Long after the dinner trays had been cleared, and another nurse had been by to give them their nightly meds and to tell them to get some sleep, Andy rolled onto her side so she could face Sam. She wasn't ready for sleep yet, but didn't want to keep Sam up if he was tired, so she laid there staring at him for several minutes.

A blush crept over her face when Sam turned and caught her watching him. He threw a smirk her way before staring up at the ceiling. "You probably want to know why I only had one kidney."

"Only if you want to tell me," she replied softly. She wanted desperately for him to open up to her, but she wouldn't push him.

Sam pushed out a breath. He wanted her to know this stuff about him, to know everything about him, but it was still hard to do. "I was a teenager that couldn't seem to stay out of trouble. I was selling stolen car parts and a deal went wrong one day. I was stabbed. It was deep, no way to repair the kidney."

He turned his head and saw Andy watching him intently with a sad smile. "Being in the hospital got me out of the house for a while, so I didn't really mind it. I was told it – removing the kidney - would never be a problem, but apparently the docs didn't foresee this," he finished, letting out a small chuckle.

Andy was full of questions. What in his childhood made him wish to be in a hospital instead of at home? How did he get from selling stolen goods to being a cop? But she kept them inside. Questions for another day. "Oliver...he seemed to know."

"Yeah, I think it came up when we were rookies. Some joke about what organs we could spare or something like that," he said, smiling at fond memories.

"I think the only thing I've ever had removed was my wisdom teeth. I was 13," Andy said, trying to show Sam she appreciated his openness by sharing something about herself, as miniscule an event as it was. "Really not exciting, except I got to have chocolate milkshakes for breakfast."

"That beats hospital food for sure."

"Are we really sure that was even meatloaf? I'm still not convinced." The laughter that quickly filled the room had them both wincing in pain. "Ouch," she said. "I need to remember not to laugh."

Sam didn't care about the pain he felt, but he hated that she was hurting because of him. "I'm sorry you're going through this. I can never – "

"Stop. Don't finish that sentence," she said. She knew he was going to say he could never repay her, but she never wanted him to feel he owed her something because of this. "I _wanted _to do this. There was never a question in my mind."

"C'mere."

She looked at him like he had three heads. "I am _not _getting in trouble again."

"Andy...Come. Here." She stared into his eyes and knew she could never resist doing anything for him. She knew it was taking all his restraint not to get up himself and come to her, but he was a lot weaker than she was and she couldn't let him do that.

She carefully slid off the bed and, wheeling her IV stand with her, made her way to his good side. "I don't want to hurt you," she said, hesitating.

"I don't want to hurt you either," he replied, lifting the blankets. "But we both have a good side and we'll be careful."

As he held the blankets up with one hand, his other tugged her wrist. "I need you," he whispered, and her mind went back to him saying the same words as he laid on the floor of the station bleeding out. She gently climbed in next to him, resting her head on his shoulder as his arm came around her.

"I don't care if we get in trouble for this. I just…" His voice cracked and he couldn't finish the sentence. He needed to hold her in his arms, needed to feel what it felt like to be with her again. He needed her with him more than he needed air right now.

"It's worth it," she said. She laid her arm across his chest, absentmindedly drawing patterns with her index finger.

He tucked her hair behind her ear and cupped her cheek so he could tilt her face up toward him. She saw in his eyes what he wanted and she wanted it to. She lifted her face to meet his halfway, closing her eyes when his breath hit her skin. Their lips met gently at first, slowly dancing over each other. As their bodies relaxed from the fear the other would find a way to bolt, Sam deepened the kiss, his hand now pressing against the back of her head to bring her closer as his tongue sought entry. She eagerly gave herself to him, feeling at home as their mouths caressed each other.

When they finally pulled apart, Sam nudged his nose against hers as she smiled. She laid her head back down on his chest as his fingers played with her hair. They were quiet, enjoying the moment. Andy found her fingers fluttering over where Sam had been shot and tears filled her eyes as she thought again about what she'd almost lost.

"You know, you'll always be a part of me," he said softly.

"Can't get rid of me now," she replied with a small laugh.

"Never want to."

* * *

The End.


End file.
